I recently had the opportunity of celebrating a new pregnancy. My celebration ended shortly after my first OB visit. There was no activity with my baby. It weighed in at a week earlier than expected. The anticipation was real. I prayed, along with my son, every night for a healthy baby and pregnancy. I specifically prayed for no bleeding or cramping. I got just that. I had no knowledge of nor any experience with "silent miscarriages". I'd never heard of them. To spare you my emotions, my husband and I decided on the cytotec. This option was less invasive than opting for the D&C. I read blogs on what to expect. I cried because of anxiety. I read more. I'd like to share with you how I spent my Christmas and New Year. This experience is mine. The process is 24 hrs.
To prep, I purchased Gatorade, sturdy underwear, water, peanuts and thick Maxi pads. I had a big meal so I wasn't concerned with dehydration. Wednesday night at 9PM, I inserted the 4 cytotec pills vaginally. I laid down for 30 minutes to ensure they'd stay inside. At this time, I cheated by taking 2 ibuprofen to ease the pain that was coming. No one told me about needing heating pads, blankets, or hot water bottles (I'll explain later). The doctor says it would take 5-6hrs to start working.
Thursday, 2AM, I felt cramps that were mild - something like menstrual cramps. I'd taken 4 200mg by this time. I was bracing myself and praying for God to take it easy on me. At some point I'm about to experience natural birth, labor. 3am comes around. I get up and start walking around because my brain is saying become active to start the process. I'm back in bed by 4am. By this time, I feel a slight burn down under. Diarrhea hits me. I assumed it was because I drank the Gatorade. That's pretty typical for me. No nausea, still.
By 5AM, I am back in bed in fetal position. My legs are locked. The burning is probably at a 5. I describe it as burning because I literally felt like my vagina was going to fall out!! I squirmed from the pain for about 1.5 hours. I'm able to fall asleep all the while my body is contracting.
8AM, I wake up to taking 2 more 200mgs. I go to the bathroom and I had a light blood clot. I went more throughout the day and it was still light. Nothing to soak a pad over. By 4PM the pain had subsided. Per my doctor, the Dosage. Didn't. Work. Yes, I had to redo the 24 hour process the following night.
I've already lost my baby. Let me rephrase. My baby is in my belly and emotionally, I just don't want to go thru this again. I wish I could have passed the baby naturally but my OB informed us that it could happen weeks later, without warning. This entire process has been hard to deal with. I'm a planner and I did everything opposite of my 1st child to prep for this baby, health wise.
Friday morning, I called my family doctor and requested 800mg of Ibuprofen. YES! I purchased heating pads and more Gatorade. I managed to eat through the butterflies. 5PM, I inserted the 2nd dose of cytotec. I placed my heating pad on my back and stomach for the lighter cramps. There's no real change from Thursday's experience. The best part is I still had my appetite. No nausea, Thank Ya!! I'm walking around the house and watching television in every room. In my bathroom, I've set up 5 bottles of water and Gatorade, 2 pillows, and a fan that would be blown directly in my face.
By 12AM, the guys are asleep. I go into the guest room for privacy and to calm my anxiety. The cramps are starting to wake me. I take a pill to minimize the pain. Saturday at 2AM, I fall asleep.
Saturday at 5AM, the gas is unbearable. Cramps and gas are a horrible combination. 5:27AM, I JUMP out of bed and run to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down, my body released diarrhea. Shortly after, I started expelling LOTS of blood and tissue. It was just falling out. No force. No pushing needed. The best visual I can give you is emptying out a pot of loose gravy into the trash and a chunk of meat or 2 fall out. That part didn't hurt. It just felt extremely weird. I looked to see if I could identify what was falling out of me but the toilet was too bloody (watery). I had a hot flash come over me to where I poured water over my head and put the fan on high. My husband brought me cheerios to snack on and opened my Gatorade. At some point I became lightheaded and fainted. Luckily, I was still on the toilet releasing everything. Yes, both. The smell was like death. I awakened to my head resting on the shower door. I was only out for a minute or so. I did courtesy flushing throughout my sit, however, it did noting. As I flushed, it filled. I would say this burst lasted until 5:55AM. I felt a sudden heavy, burning feeling. I was convinced that my vagina was on 17 and had fallen out. I took another pill and waited for it to kick in. I just sat there. On the toilet. Sobbing.
10 minutes later, I cleaned myself up. I assumed the bursts were done. I got in bed and fell asleep.
At 7:18 and 8:20, I had 2 more bursts of bloody water and expelling of tissue. I made it to the bathroom. I'm so done looking by this point. I got back in bed. The contractions ARE ON 28. These pressures are the heaviest and painful for about 2 more hours. The pain was so bad that after praying, I fell asleep. I woke up at about noon to check my pad. I bled throughout the day but never filled a pad. Everything was mostly caught in the toilet. I'd just sit to prevent leakage.
2PM the heavy pain subsided. I've bled everyday, but not at every bathroom break. There is always something when I wipe but nothing hurts. Still passing small clots or pieces of tissue. No sac (that I've seen) has been passed. It's possible but I'm not sure. Minor sharp pains and gas for the next few days. Still bright red blood on my pads.
An entire week later, Friday at 5:40PM, I get another HEAVY, vagina fallout cramp. I pass a clot the side of a coke can top. WASN'T EXPECTING THAT. I thought I was done expelling big clots/pieces of tissue. It may have been the placenta. It just fell to the bottom of the toilet like a deflated balloon. Still, I'm looking thru watery blood.
Saturday, small clots and sharp pain in my side. Just sharp enough to stop and collect myself. Now I've been bracing myself as I pee.
Sunday and today, Monday, I have light blood coming out with no pain. Small tissue but no pain. The blood in color is darker, so I believe the end is near. I hope.
I will update this after the New Year once I've had my followup. Hopefully, I've expelled everything and my period will start again, shortly. I will be back on birth control. No woman should EVER have to go thru this, especially when she is ready to have children. I'm not going to question God's doing, but I will not revisit this again. I have my one blessing. He may be enough.
UPDATE: It's Monday after New Year's. Not everything passed like it should. My D&C is scheduled for this week. I hope whoever is reading this, finds either closure or ease into taking cytotec. It didn't work for me but I'm glad I attempted. Having surgery is the absolute last resort for me. Maybe I should have waited longer to conceive after getting off birth control. I just don't know.
Feel free and share your experiences below. I'm praying for you. I'm praying for your strength to get through this. It's an emotional roller coaster that I'm ready to move forward from. Thank you for your time. - LJK
No comments:
Post a Comment